How can a woman who’s a natural fighter become a “woman of peace”?

Q. I have a question about something I was reading in Proverbs this morning:

She is more precious than rubies;
    nothing you desire can compare with her.
Long life is in her right hand;
    in her left hand are riches and honor.
Her ways are pleasant ways,
    and all her paths are peace.
She is a tree of life to those who take hold of her;
    those who hold her fast will be blessed.

It is a common theme in Scripture that women of peace are to be praised.

How should a woman who desires to serve the Lord respond when we are natural fighters? I believe the Lord blessed me with a passion for defending others and standing for what is right, but how do I balance “her ways are of pleasantness, and all her paths are of peace” with the tenacity I have for fighting for what is right? Thank you!!

I believe that the much of the answer to your question is actually in the passage you were reading. It’s actually not a description of a “woman of peace,” but of wisdom. It begins:

Blessed are those who find wisdom,
those who gain understanding,
for she is more profitable than silver
and yields better returns than gold.
She is more precious than rubies;
nothing you desire can compare with her . . .

However, I can understand perfectly why you applied it to yourself. First, wisdom is personified here as a woman. Second, at the end of the book of Proverbs there’s a memorable passage that begins:

A wife of noble character who can find?
    She is worth far more than rubies.

So it’s completely understandable that reading and meditating on this passage about wisdom got you thinking about how you could become more and more  a “woman of peace.” And as I said, the answer to that is in the passage itself. It’s part of the long opening address at the beginning of Proverbs that commends wisdom, which is defined as “the fear of the Lord.” And that is defined further as having so much respect for God, so much appreciation for his justice and power, so much devotion to God, that you don’t dare do anything that would be displeasing to him. As it says later in Proverbs, “Do not let your heart envy sinners, but always be zealous for the fear of the Lord.” And as it says in Job, another wisdom book, “The fear of the Lord—that is wisdom, and to shun evil is understanding.”

On the one hand, losing your temper and giving in to destructive anger would certainly be something that was displeasing to God. Another proverb points out, “An angry person stirs up conflict, and a hot-tempered person commits many sins.” Proverbs contrasts giving in to anger with the fruits of the wisdom it is trying to teach: “The one who has knowledge uses words with restraint, and whoever has understanding is even-tempered.” There are many other passages, both in Proverbs and throughout the rest of the Scriptures, that warn of the destruction caused by giving in to anger.

On the other hand, allowing injustice to go unchallenged is also something that is very displeasing to God. In the book of Proverbs, here’s the very last thing we hear just before that description of the woman of noble character who’s more precious than rubies:

Speak up for those who cannot speak for themselves;
    ensure justice for those being crushed.
Yes, speak up for the poor and helpless,
    and see that they get justice.

So in the very same book of the Bible, we hear mandates both to be an even-tempered person who does not create conflict and to speak up to ensure justice. Indeed, the Scriptures equate opposing injustice with the “fear of the Lord.” When one of the Judean kings restored the worship of the true God, he appointed judges and told them, “Now let the fear of the Lord be on you. Judge carefully, for with the Lord our God there is no injustice or partiality or bribery.

So how can a person balance these two things? I think the right approach is expressed very well in Ephesians: “Be angry, but do not sin.” Anger does not have to be sinful. That is, it doesn’t have to be out-of-control and destructive. It can be controlled, focused, positive, and constructive.

We actually need to get angry in order to become motivated enough to do something about injustice. Injustice is usually entrenched in social arrangements and relationships. You can’t address it without “upsetting the apple cart” and threatening the privileges that some people are maintaining at the expense of others. It’s all too tempting to say, “I just won’t rock the boat, I don’t want to make anybody upset.”

So I’m quite delighted to hear that God has given you “a passion for defending others and standing for what is right.” It’s wonderful to hear of your tenacity. We need many more people like that in our world. If you get so upset by injustice that you become angry, that’s not a sin, that’s an emotion. And it’s an appropriate one. Just don’t lose your temper so that your anger is released in destructive ways rather than constructive ones.

Instead, recognize your anger as motivation. Let it be a positive force that gives you the power and the willingness to speak up and address entrenched situations of injustice and unfairness. Ephesians also tells us to “speak the truth in love” and so “grow to be like Christ in every way.” In other words, mature Christian character—”wisdom,” if you will—is exhibited in the capacity to speak necessary truths in a way that brings benefit and blessing to those around us, rather than destructively breaking relationships and tearing people down.

So that’s the challenge. Stay passionate for justice. Don’t lose a bit of that passion. But cultivate patience, graciousness, and kindness in your speech and actions. There is no contradiction between the two.

Since you’re reading Proverbs already, if I could give you a challenge, it would be to notice all the places in the book that talk about restraining your speech and your temper, record them somewhere, and think about how to put them into practice. (“Practice” means that you might not get it perfectly the first time! But every time you try, you’ll get experience that will bring you closer to where you want to be.) But also notice the places that talk about doing what’s right and maintaining justice between people, and meditate on those as well. Pray that God will build the qualities of patience and graciousness into your life even as you expand and pursue your passion for justice and fairness.

The very fact that you’re asking about this says to me that God is already at work in you to bring about a balance between passion for justice and gracious speech that will make you even more effective in your walk with him and service to him. So may God bless you as you seek to cooperate with the work he has already begun in you!

Author: Christopher R Smith

The Rev. Dr. Christopher R. Smith is an an ordained minister, a writer, and a biblical scholar. He was active in parish and student ministry for twenty-five years. He was a consulting editor to the International Bible Society (now Biblica) for The Books of the Bible, an edition of the New International Version (NIV) that presents the biblical books according to their natural literary outlines, without chapters and verses. His Understanding the Books of the Bible study guide series is keyed to this format. He was also a consultant to Tyndale House for the Immerse Bible, an edition of the New Living Translation (NLT) that similarly presents the Scriptures in their natural literary forms, without chapters and verses or section headings. He has a B.A. from Harvard in English and American Literature and Language, a Master of Arts in Theological Studies from Gordon-Conwell, and a Ph.D. in the History of Christian Life and Thought, with a minor concentration in Bible, from Boston College, in the joint program with Andover Newton Theological School.

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