If God wants a relationship with me, then why doesn’t God speak to me or answer my prayers?

Q. If God wants a relationship with us, then why does He hide from us? God’s silence and absence, not to mention zero prayers answered, are giant stumbling blocks for me. Blocks that only God can remove. Thanks and God bless you, in Jesus’ holy name, Amen.

Let me say first that I sympathize deeply with your situation. I am sorry for the frustration, disappointment, and sense of abandonment that I hear you expressing. As a pastor, I had occasion to counsel with others in similar situations, and I have seen how painful it is and how challenging it is to continue to have faith when God seems absent.

But next let me share an observation. I have been catching up on the questions that were submitted to this blog during the time when I was unable to respond to them, and I note with interest that the other question I answered today, about the ways in which God speaks to us, arrived right around the same time as yours. I hope you appreciate that I don’t say this in any way unsympathetic to your situation, but I wonder whether the other question might have some bearing on yours. Specifically, might you be expecting God to speak to you in a certain way, and while God may not be speaking in that way, might God be speaking to you in some other way? I suggest this respectfully and hopefully for your consideration.

Beyond that, I would also suggest that you could see God as present and speaking through the very desire you feel for God to be present and speak to you. You could see that desire itself as an expression of God’s work in your heart and life. I hope that is also a hopeful thought.

I admire your acknowledgement that in the end, you must and do depend on God himself to resolve the difficulties you are experiencing. It has been said that simply in order to ask a question, we need to know at least part of the answer. And I think you ask your question, honestly and painfully, out of an awareness that God does indeed want to have a relationship with us. I hope you will see that awareness as well as something that God has given to you.

I also hope that you have Christian friends who can walk through this struggle with you and compassionate church leaders whom you can confide in and who will counsel with you. Personally I get from your question not a sense of hopelessness but a sense of hopefulness. I hear someone speaking who deeply desires a relationship with God and who is depending on God to remove everything in the way of that. May you indeed find that God grants this desire and brings you to a place of peace and joy in experiencing his presence and hearing him speak to you.

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Author: Christopher R Smith

The Rev. Dr. Christopher R. Smith is an an ordained minister, a writer, and a biblical scholar. He was active in parish and student ministry for twenty-five years. He was a consulting editor to the International Bible Society (now Biblica) for The Books of the Bible, an edition of the New International Version (NIV) that presents the biblical books according to their natural literary outlines, without chapters and verses. His Understanding the Books of the Bible study guide series is keyed to this format. He was also a consultant to Tyndale House for the Immerse Bible, an edition of the New Living Translation (NLT) that similarly presents the Scriptures in their natural literary forms, without chapters and verses or section headings. He has a B.A. from Harvard in English and American Literature and Language, a Master of Arts in Theological Studies from Gordon-Conwell, and a Ph.D. in the History of Christian Life and Thought, with a minor concentration in Bible, from Boston College, in the joint program with Andover Newton Theological School.

6 thoughts on “If God wants a relationship with me, then why doesn’t God speak to me or answer my prayers?”

  1. I’m sorry, but it doesn’t seem to me that you actually answered the question. I mean, why would God give a desire for a relationship when the most effort he’s putting in is making us want a relationship? I’ve begged God for years to show me what he wants from me, but all he’s done is let my grandpa die without giving me a chance to say goodbye. I’ve prayed for help, guidance, a sign he’s there, even just help accepting his silence, but he doesn’t respond, not even a “no”, and each time I’m ignored it just gets harder to try again. I’m so frustrated that I’ve cussed him out over this. I don’t want to be angry, but there’s no help. I can’t make myself pray anymore, it’s too defeating when I don’t even believe I’m heard anymore. And please don’t say “just have more faith”, that’s all anyone says, well I’m completely tapped out on faith, and if I could magically conjure up more then I wouldn’t be asking a stranger online for help. I’ve been told to read Job, so I did, it didn’t help.

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    1. I appreciate you reaching out. That says to me that you haven’t given up, despite your disappointments. It was an act of faith. I hope and pray that you will be able to make the connection with God that you so desire.

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    2. Hello Jonathan. Man! I hear your heart pain. We desperately want to believe God exists and cares about each one of us personally. I’ve gone through the same silence that you are describing above. I was so desperate to hear “anything” from God, even if I didn’t like the answer, just to prove He cared enough about me to hear me and respond. I acted like a child and had a temper tantrum just to get His attention. After all, Matthew 18:1-3 says, “Truly I say to you, unless you turn and become like children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven.” OH, I acted like a child!! The Bible also states in Jeremiah 29:13 You will seek me and find me, when you seek me with all your heart. So, with that verse, I decided to search the Bible about what I was actually praying for. I felt some injustice was happening and I wanted to know why God was allowing it. So I started searching His word for proof that I was right in my feelings about the situation. That’s when God finally revealed Himself to me in a way that was unexplainable to the average person. His Word showed me that I was right in the way of the injustice. However, He also showed me that He had control the entire time and what Satan meant for harm, God turned it around for good. I was so obsessed with what was wrong, I couldn’t see how God was working through the whole process. God responded to me continually for a week showering me with love from people I had never met before. He revealed Himself and I will never forget it. Keep searching for Him, Jonathan. Don’t give up. Search His Word, keep talking to Him. He WILL reveal Himself. I’ll be praying for you.

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  2. Jonathan, I can relate entirely. It’s been 45+ years of absolutely nothing from/of God or Jesus in my life. Unless you count silence, absence, broken promises, and unanswered prayers as something from/of God or Jesus. I agree that even a “no” would be be enough. This “nothingness” from/of God or Jesus is heartbreaking, soul crushing torture. I pray, nothing. I read my Bible, nothing. I just talk to (not with) God and Jesus daily, nothing. How am I supposed to believe that God and Jesus care about and love me when they never do anything? Life is not worth living when when you are ignored by God and Jesus.

    God bless you through the Holy Spirit, in Jesus holy name, Amen.

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    1. Thank you for sharing your experience. I would say to you, as I said to the person who originally asked this question, that I sympathize deeply with your situation. I would also say to you, as I said to him, that I hear someone speaking who deeply desires a relationship with God. So may you indeed find one day that God grants this desire and brings you to a place of peace and joy in experiencing his presence and hearing him speak to you.

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