Q. I have a friend who is having an affair. I am worried about her and what this will do to her and her relationship with God. She is a Christian and is a regular churchgoer. If she continues in this affair or if it someday results in a divorce, what will God do? She told me she is praying each day for forgiveness for being involved with this other man. I too am praying for her but I am scared she’ll go to hell for this. What does God do to people who are cheating?
Thank you for your question and for your concern for your friend.
The first thing I would say is that affairs don’t just happen. When married people go outside of their marriages for love, affection, and (frankly) excitement, that is a sign that those things are not present within the marriage in the way that they should be. This does not excuse the affair. But it does put it in a broader context that shows that the person is probably not deliberately doing something evil. The person is wanting good things (love, affection, excitement) but getting them in the wrong place. I would say that God understands this and takes it into account.
Nevertheless, I would also say that God will certainly do something in this case. The Bible says, “The Lord disciplines everyone he loves. He corrects everyone he accepts as his child.” Since your friend is a Christian, she is God’s child, and so God will correct her. God loves her too much to allow her to continue on this destructive course.
I expect that this will most likely happen through the affair being discovered. This may occur in a most unexpected way, hinting that God was responsible for the discovery. Then your friend will be held accountable for her actions and her choices. God will intend this for her good, so that she can repent, receive forgiveness, and be reconciled to her husband, and so that the two of them can find help and healing for their marriage.
However, knowing that this is likely to happen, I would certainly encourage your friend to end the affair now, before it is discovered and exposed. It will be much better for her and her marriage if she ends the affair on her own, confesses to her husband, seeks his forgiveness, and goes with him for counseling.
There’s one more thing I’d like to note as well. Sometimes people say, “I know this will be a sin, but I will ask God to forgive me for it, and he will forgive me.” That is true. But when we sin on that basis, even though we do receive forgiveness, we nevertheless irretrievably miss the opportunity to do the right thing on that occasion and bring glory to God and the hope of salvation to others through our obedience.
How much better it would be if your friend could say, “Yes, we’re going through a rough time in our marriage, but I made a vow before God and my family and friends to be faithful to this man, and I intend to keep that vow. We’re going to get the help we need, and we’re going to make this marriage work. In fact, we’re going to get the spark back. Just you wait and see. In the years to come, we’ll be more in love than ever!”
That is the kind of example we need Christian people to set. That is the kind of commitment they need to show, the kind of faith in what God is able to do. A testimony like that is incredibly powerful.
I recently heard a woman share how she and her husband had such a rough time in their marriage that even though they were both Christians, they got divorced. But they both continued to seek what God had for them, individually and together. Ultimately, after receiving much healing and experiencing genuine reconciliation, they got remarried to one another!
That is the kind of testimony we are able to give when we resolve that we are going to honor and obey God and seek to do what brings him glory. I believe that this is what God wants for your friend more than anything else, more than meting out any punishment for the affair. But as I said, the Lord also disciplines those he loves, so your friend should expect that God will act to end this affair if she does not.
Good Question 