How can I have a closer relationship with God as a Christian?

Q. How can I have a closer relationship with God as a Christian?

I think the principles that apply generally to having good relationships with people also apply to having a good relationship with God. You describe yourself as a Christian and so I take it that you are already aware of having a relationship with God through Jesus Christ as your Lord and Savior. But you have asked about having a closer relationship, so let me share some thoughts about that.

First, I would say that it is important to spend time with God. Time spent together is the oxygen that relationships need to breathe. Without it, they suffocate. That is why, when spouses, friends, parents and children, etc. are separated temporarily, they make it a priority to speak regularly on the phone or by video chat, to stay in touch by email or text message, etc. People who are in close relationships and who want those relationships to remain close know that they need to invest time in them.

So, think about how you spend time with God. Put another way, when do you feel that you are in God’s presence, or that you are experiencing God? For some people, this happens during times of prayer, meditation, silence, solitude, and simplicity. By quieting all other voices, they hear the voice of God. Something similar happens for other people when they read Scripture or valuable books. For still other people, spending time with God happens when they are out in nature. They experience God in and through his creation. For others, this comes during times of service. Jesus, speaking of helping people in need, caring for the sick, showing hospitality, and visiting people who are lonely, said, “As you have done it for the least of these, you have done it for me.” In such experiences, some people say, “God, I can’t do this for you personally, but I’m going to do it for this other person as if it were you.” And in those circumstances, they feel, experientially, that they are doing something loving directly for God.

Each person’s experience will be different. There may be as many different ways of “spending time with God” as there are people. The key is to recognize what your way is and to be diligent in investing in it. It has been well said that time together with people who are important to us doesn’t happen by accident. We need to be intentional about making it happen.

A second way to invest in having a good relationship with a person is to do what that person likes, not what the person does not like. A simple illustration is this: If you are the person who prepares the meals in your house and you know what meals the others in the house like and do not like, you show your courtesy and appreciation for them by making meals that they do like. By being attentive to their tastes and preferences, you demonstrate that you value them as people. This also shows that, to the extent that it depends on you, you want them to be happy and enjoying life. This is all a very good “ante” for a good relationship with a person.

A specific and important component of this consideration is that if we want to have a good relationship with a person, we will not intentionally do anything that is harmful, hurtful, or demeaning to that person. That actually sends the message that we do not value them and that the quality of our relationship with them is not important to us.

So what are the things that God likes and does not like? We cannot answer this question in terms of favorite meals or pastimes. But we can recall what God said through the prophet Micah: “O people, the Lord has told you what is good, and this is what he requires of you: to do what is right, to love mercy, and to walk humbly with your God.” If we do what we know is right, if we show generosity and compassion, if we cultivate humility, then we are investing in our relationship with God by doing what God likes. There is a wonderful promise in Psalm 25: “The friendship of the Lord is for those who fear him.” In this context, “fear” refers to not daring to do anything that we know would be displeasing to God. We can see that investing in a relationship with God in this way leads to the “friendship” that we desire.

I would like to mention a third thing as well. It is actually inspired by a line from the movie Chariots of Fire, although I believe there is also a biblical basis for it. In that movie, the character of Eric Liddell is explaining why, though he ultimately intends to become a missionary to China, he has been spending time training for the Olympics. He says, “God made me for China, but he also made me fast. And when I run, I feel his pleasure.” While the Bible describes our relationship with God in many ways, including child to parent and (as we have just seen) friend to friend, the Bible initially describes the relationship as creature to Creator. And we must recognize how much joy it gives a person who creates something to see it becoming all that it was created to be. A limited analogy might be that of an inventor whose invention finally works, or of a programmer who finally gets some software up and running and discovers that it works better than could have been imagined.

So, my last observation about how to cultivate a good relationship with God would be this: Be yourself. In other words, do all that you can to discern why God put you on this planet, and then fulfill that destiny. I think that when you do that (necessarily starting with an initial understanding and accomplishment, but then to an ever-increasing extent), you will feel God’s pleasure. And that is another sure sign of a good relationship.