Q. I read that Mary was about 16 when she had Jesus. It also said that Joseph was 90 and they never did have sexual relations.
I think I understand the reason for the interpretation you read. Some Christian traditions believe in the perpetual virginity of Mary. That is, they believe that she had Jesus by a virgin birth and that afterwards she never had sexual relations with her husband Joseph. I do not mean any disrespect for these traditions, but I believe something different myself. Let me explain it.
One thing that raises this question is the episode related in the gospels of Matthew and Mark in which the people of Nazareth identify Jesus as “the carpenter’s son,” say that his mother’s name is Mary, and add that he has “brothers.” They even name those brothers: James, Joseph, Simon and Judas. They also say that Jesus has “sisters,” although they do not give their names. This appears to indicate that Joseph and Mary had at least six children after Jesus was born to Mary by a virgin birth and Joseph adopted him as his legal son.
Those who believe in the perpetual virginity of Mary explain this in one of two ways. Some suggest that the terms “brothers” and “sisters” should be understood to mean “cousins.” However, Greek had a specific term for “cousin” that the gospel writers could have used to avoid any misunderstanding. So others suggest instead that Joseph had been married previously and that he had these children by his first wife. They suggest that Joseph was then widowed and that he subsequently married Mary.
This is why some interpreters say that Joseph was significantly older than Mary. I hadn’t heard anyone say before that he was 90, but according to this interpretation, he would at least have been middle-aged. It was customary in this culture for women to get married in their teens, so it is likely that Mary was a teenager when she gave birth to Jesus. So if Joseph had been married before and had had six children, he could have been 20–30 years older than Mary.
One concern I have about this is that the Bible says nothing about Joseph being previously married, having a family, and then being widowed. This would be good information for the biblical writers to record somewhere if they wanted to clarify who the “brothers” and “sisters” were whom the people of Nazareth describe. It seems to me instead that a plain reading of the Nazareth episode in Matthew and Mark, in which Joseph and Mary are first named as father and mother and others are then named as sisters and brothers, suggests that those others are children that they had together.
Another concern I have about this interpretation is that it makes Jesus not the firstborn and eldest son in his family but instead the youngest child. By contrast, I think that the physical circumstances of Jesus’ life correspond to his spiritual identity. Paul writes in Romans that God wants believers to be “conformed to the image of his Son, that he might be the firstborn among many brothers and sisters.”
One final concern I have is that a doctrine of the perpetual virginity of Mary (to which, as I have said, I mean no disrespect) not appear to privilege chastity over married and family life. Within the community of Jesus’ followers, neither singleness nor marriage is privileged. Rather, as Paul wrote to the Corinthians, “each person should live as a believer in whatever situation the Lord has assigned to them, just as God has called them.” People can serve God effectively and blessedly either as single individuals or as husbands or wives and as fathers or mothers.
And in the specific case of Mary, my personal feeling is that God called her to be a mother. Many Christians throughout the world regard her as a spiritual mother, and as in the case of Jesus, I believe that her physical circumstances corresponded to her spiritual identity. There is a close connection in the Scriptures between Mary and Hannah, the mother of the prophet Samuel. Mary’s song of praise to God for making her the mother of the Messiah has strong echoes of Hannah’s song of praise to God for making her the mother of a man who would begin to deliver the Israelites from their enemies. Hannah had not been able to have children until God made it possible for her to have Samuel, and after he was born and she devoted him to God’s service for his whole life, “the Lord was gracious to Hannah, and she gave birth to three sons and two daughters.” I think that similarly God blessed Mary with at least six more children after she gave birth to Jesus. I think that what is known as the “holy family” (traditionally Joseph and Mary and at least Jesus) was a large, healthy, happy family with seven or more children, with Jesus as the oldest brother, leading, protecting, and guiding his younger half-siblings. I think that provides a picture of the church, the community of Jesus’ followers, who are also his younger siblings in a great family.
Good Question 